


Card Shark

by DavidB1000



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex teases Kara, Card Games, Gen, How Do I Tag, Kara teases Winn, No matter how bad it gets, Terrible Jokes, it could be worse, really bad jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 07:24:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16300655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DavidB1000/pseuds/DavidB1000
Summary: Kara surprises everyone by showing that she knows exactly how Cards Against Humanity is supposed to be played.I finally put it up here. Hope you all like it.





	Card Shark

James looked down at the card selections and frowned. “Really now? Doing the right thing is a slippery slope that leads to the KKK?” 

Winn winced. “Don't look at me!”  
“You're too nice to play that here.” Alex laughed.

James nodded. “Yeah, well, it does work! I am going to pick it.” He was impressed anyone would play those cards of all the people there.  
“YES.” Kara grinned. 

Lena tried not to laugh out loud.  
James blinked. “What the hell, Kara?” 

Alex shrugged. “She knows how the game is played.”  
“I can't help it, it was literally the perfect placement!” Kara grinned.

James shook his head. “I admit, I was not expecting that.”  
Maggie grinned. “Damn, Supergirl knows how to play Cards Against Humanity. Who would have thought.”

Kara nodded. “Exactly. It's always the quiet ones, guys!”  
“Oh, dear.” Lena laughed.

Winn frowned. “Kara, I don't think you're planning on killing people.”  
“Well, no, I'm not! I'm just saying.” Kara laughed.

“So, that was well played.” James chuckled. “Okay, I guess I should have learned something that time I played Risk with Kara and Clark and Kara looked like she wanted to stab Clark with Kryptonite.”

Alex grinned. “Yeah. Or that time I beat her at chess and she almost threw the board into the sun and then threw me in after it.” 

“How did you beat a Kryptonian at chess, Alex?” Lena smirked. “I can't beat Kara, and I routinely beat Lex at chess when I was young. I would have beaten Bobby Fisher in his prime when I was 11 years old.”

Kara grumbled. “I personally blame solar flares for messing up my intelligence somehow.”  
“I don't think that's how the sun works.” Maggie snickered.

“Don't make me throw these cards at you, Maggie, at really high speeds!” Kara grumbled.

“No thanks! I would take less damage if I shot myself with a shotgun loaded with explosive rounds!” Maggie winced.

Alex chuckled. “I know Maggie and I broke up, but I didn't object to her coming here.” 

“I think you forgave me, I don't think Kara ever did.” Maggie frowned.

“I promised you a long time ago that if you broke her heart, I'd break your legs.” Kara smirked.  
Lena shook her head. “Oh, dear, Maggie.” 

“Can we not break my legs right now?” Maggie winced.

Alex snickered. “Okay, I'm sorry, but Kara, you're way too nice to do that.”  
Winn nodded. “Yeah. That's true.” 

“Darn.” Kara frowned. “No one takes me seriously.” 

Lena chuckled. “Honestly, You're not one to ever be mean, without some outside influences.”  
“Or if someone hurts your friends, then they learn why having someone with heat vision being angry at them is a bad idea.” James chuckled.

“Indeed.” Kara spoke. “So, next round is...” 

A hand later, Alex was looking at the selection of cards and frowned. “Hey wait a minute...”  
“What?” Kara asked innocently.  
Alex grumbled. “Kara! Must you bring that up here!?” 

“What?” Kara repeated her earlier question.  
Alex pointed to two white cards that were placed down. One had “Cocaine” on it, and the other had, “One True God.” The black card read “blank is my blank.”

Maggie snickered. “Uh-Oh, Good thing I'm not a Narcotics officer!”  
Alex groaned. “It was 7 years ago!”  
Winn frowned. “Cocaine is a hell of a drug.” 

Alex groaned again. “Yes, I know. Look, we all do stupid things sometimes. Jack and Coke I took literally!” 

“I'm going to guess that you don't mean you drank Jack Daniels while doing Cocaine?” Maggie grinned.  
Alex groaned. “I know what you're implying, and no. Just no. Also, stop trying to destroy Winn's sanity.  
Winn frowned. “That's not right, Maggie. Even I know what you're suggesting she did.”

James winced. “Okay, moving right along, let's go back to the KKK, and I'd rather visit the Grand Dragon than talk about Alex's Scarface days.”

“Really? You'd rather talk to the Grand Dragon of the KKK, James? That's what I'd rather do!” Alex groaned.

“I'm black.” James grinned.  
Alex nodded. “Yes, I'm Jewish, believe me they hate me the same as you. Especially since I'm gay!” 

Kara snickered. “You guys are fun to rile up, you know.” 

Winn frowned. “I learned that when it comes to games, Kara gets mean and vicious.” 

“Sorry, I turn into Zod when I'm competitive. Our culture was very war-like for a few hundred thousand years. Like the history of Vulcan!” Kara grinned.

“Oh wonderful.” Winn groaned.

“Okay, so we did learn that Kara knows how to handle Cards Against Humanity.” Winn chuckled.

“That we did.” Alex grinned.

After a moment the game resumed, and eventually Kara was the Card Czar, and blinked at the Black Card. “Blank and Blank are my one true pairing? I don't remember that being in the deck of cards.” 

“Well, it's not like there was only ever one set of cards printed for Cards Against Humanity.” Lena smirked.

“Alright. That's fine. We all know the rules by now.”  
A moment later all the white cards were played, and Kara looked them over. Then her eyes widened at one set. “Superman and Supergirl!? EW! I do not like my cousin that much! Krypton was not in the Ozarks!”

“I think someone beat you in the terms of the most messed up thing ever written for Cards Against Humanity.” James grinned.

“All I did was make a joke about the KKK. Not go to the Ozarks!” Kara groaned. “Okay, who wants to see what the wrath of God is like up close and personal?!” 

Alex snickered. “Had to get revenge on you somehow.”  
Kara pouted. “That's not fair.”  
“Well, the Lancasters would be proud.” Lena grinned.

“Oh bite me, I'd rather bang Zod.” Kara pouted.

“But he's dead!” Winn grinned.  
“I repeat myself!” Kara continued to pout.

“No, no, Kara, Vampires are the good kind of necrophilia.” Maggie grinned.

“I'm exiling Alex to the Phantom Zone.” Kara spoke.  
“OH, Kara, it's so fun to see you flustered.” Alex grinned.

“Hmm, maybe a Shotgun Colonic then?” Kara grumbled.

Maggie laughed. “Wow. Now that's one way to kill a person!”  
“Supergirl, what are you doing, you can't use guns!” Winn laughed.

“I don't like guns like that!” Alex groaned.

Maggie snickered. “I don't know, Alex, you did wake the dragon there.”  
James shook his head. “See, this is why I know not to mess with Superman. I don't want him to fail to rescue me.” 

“He wouldn't be that pithy.” Kara grumbled in aggravation.

“Okay, so we can confirm Kara is really personally affronted by terrible jokes about incest.” Winn nodded.

“Now where's a shotgun when I need it....” Kara frowned.

Alex winced. “Wait a minute, who gave Kara Red Kryptonite again!”

Lena grinned. “Wow. Kara, boy when you get mean, you get mean.” 

“Please no, Kara. The lube is not for a shotgun.” Winn groaned.  
“What do you and James do, Winn?” Lena grinned.

“My ass hurts just thinking about it.” James laughed.

“I won't use lube for the shotgun, it will go in dry.” Kara spoke firmly and glared at Alex.  
Alex winced. “That's not nice. It's a shotgun!”

Maggie shook her head. “Hey, I like guns like most cops, but even I know not to do that! I don't even know what that fetish is called!” 

“Okay, did someone give Kara Periwinkle Kryptonite?” James shook his head.  
Kara shook her head. “No, I'm not drunk and stoned at the same time.” 

“Wait, hold on, there's a Kryptonite that makes Superman drunk and stoned?” Lena laughed. “Why did my brother never try to use this?!” 

“Well, it does that, but it also removes his inhibitions, so uh, Lex wouldn't be alive any longer if he did that.” James spoke.

“Okay, fair enough point.” Lena nodded.

“I can't believe my own sister wants to annihilate my ass in a literal sense.” Alex groaned.  
“You woke the dragon as Maggie said. I can be mean.” Kara frowned.  
“Overgirl called. She wants you to dial it down a notch!” Alex groaned.

“But Overgirl blew up.” Kara grinned. “And she wouldn't even know how to have fun.”

James shook his head. “I don't know, I think it's pretty bad if a Nazi version of yourself wants you to dial it down.” 

Lena chuckled. “I'm still reeling from the whole evil Nazi counterpart thing. Kara's way too nice to do that kind of stuff.”

Kara shrugged. “I don't know. Everyone has a dark side to them. Under the right circumstances I can see Alex becoming evil and becoming a killer for hire.”

Alex snickered. “Okay, Kara, sure, I totally would become a killer for hire. How about something more credible, like me trying to create the Fourth Reich.” 

James laughed. “Yeah, no, Alex creating the next Nazi empire is totally not going to happen. I would have a higher chance of creating it. I mean, some black people did join the Nazi campaigns in Africa.”

Kara smirked. “I am the Fuhrer of Nazi Germany!” 

“Supergirl, what are you talking about, you can't be Hitler!” Winn laughed.  
Alex groaned. “That was pretty bad, Kara.” 

James laughed. “Okay, Kara. But I think we need to get back to the game.”

A short time later, Winn was the Card Czar, and looked down at his choices. “Wait a minute here. The worst part about being Toyman's son is all the hookers and blow you miss out on?!” 

Alex groaned. “Kara!”

“Hey, don't look at me!” Kara grinned.  
Maggie and Lena both shrugged. “I don't think either of us would be that tacky with two blank cards.”  
Alex frowned. “I didn't do it.”

James chuckled. “I may not be Kara...but...”  
Winn chuckled. “Hey, I like it!” 

“James!” Kara groaned.  
“Hey, it has nothing on the KKK.” James smirked.  
Winn nodded. “That's for sure! Also, let's face it, my dad and I did not get along, but even he would laugh at that one.”

“It could have been worse. There was more than one Toyman, and uh, one of them was a Pedophile.” Maggie shrugged.

“Yeah, I'm pretty sure my dad is nicer than a pedophile. He was just an insane killer.” Winn grinned.

“And now he's dead!” Kara smirked.  
Winn winced. “That's a bad joke alright.” 

Alex groaned. “Kara, that's messed up. Are we certain no one gave you Periwinkle Kryptonite?”

Kara shook her head. “No, because I'd be making out with Lena in front of you all.”  
Lena chuckled. “Where can I find this Periwinkle Kryptonite?” 

“What's wrong with making out in front of us?” Maggie smirked.

Lena grinned. “She didn't want to be crude around James and Winn.”  
Winn shook his head. “Yeah, I just can't see Kara being crude.”

Kara shrugged. “Fahuhhchaoku you! Winn. That's what I say to you.”  
Alex's eyes widened and she shouted. “KARA!” 

Lena laughed. “Oh, dear.”

James winced. “Kara, that's messed up. A long time ago I asked Superman about if Krypton had swear words and he pointed out they were quite strange and don't translate well into English for the most part, but he also told me about that one. Thanks to your potty mouth all those years ago.” 

Kara shrugged. “I admit, until I was 20 I was basically like a sailor who swore in Kryptonian.”  
Winn frowned. “What does that mean?”  
“It's the F-word spelled out in Kryptonian.” Alex groaned.

Maggie laughed. “Sorry, but Kara saying bad words just seems so not like her.”  
Kara groaned. “Yeah yeah. Don't make me Fahuhhchaoku you.” 

Maggie smirked. “But what if I want you to do that!?”  
“Then you'd see me become a Supervillain like my brother and shoot you.” Lena grinned.

Maggie nodded. “Okay. I don't want to be shot by Lena.”  
Kara laughed. “Nothing would actually make Lena do that.” 

“I don't know, if Maggie did Fahuhhchaoku you I might get angry.” Lena shrugged.  
“Not if she Fahuhhchaoku you as well.” Kara grinned.

“Okay, you have a point there.” Lena laughed.

Maggie nodded. “I love you long time, GI.”  
Alex snickered. “What is your major malfunction, solider?”

“There are only two things that come from Texas. Queers and Steers, and you don't look like a steer to me, boy.” Kara laughed.

James shook his head. “People would be so shocked if they knew Supergirl's sense of humor.”  
Alex snickered again. “You're not wrong.” 

“Winn, you've got a purty mouth there, boy.” Kara grinned.  
Winn frowned. “I don't want to squeal.” 

James groaned. “Poor Winn.”  
“Hey, you two do stuff with lube!” Alex laughed.  
“I have never once touched James like that. I'd rather eat glass.” Winn frowned.

James nodded. “Same here.” 

Kara snickered. “Now kiss.”  
“No, this is not truth or dare.” James smirked.

“Kara, stop freaking out people.” Lena grinned.  
Kara frowned. “Okay. Okay. I got it.”

James shook his head. “If I was going to pick a guy to be with, it would not be Winn.”  
“Would it be Superman?” Alex grinned.  
“Oh, hell no. My ass hurts just thinking about that.” James groaned.

Kara laughed. “Poor James.”  
“More like poor Lois.” Maggie grinned.

“I get the feeling she likes him.” Kara snickered.  
“Dear, I think your Periwinkle Kryptonite exposure came back.” Lena smiled.

“No. I swear, if I was on Periwinkle Kryptonite I'd be Fahuhhchaoku you all the time.” Kara grinned.  
“Oh, my.” Lena grinned.  
Winn groaned. “You two.”  
“Hey, it's not what you and James do.” Kara grinned.  
“For the 40th time, I do not like Winn like that!” James groaned.  
“Yeah, I'm not gay.” Winn laughed.

“I know, but you both hang out together a lot.” Kara grinned.  
“So did Superman and Batman, and Lex Luthor.” James smirked.

“I don't want to talk about Batman and Superman making out. I already heard about that disturbing image someone drew of a pregnant Batman with Superman listening to the baby's heart.” Kara groaned.

Lena snickered. “Wow.”  
Alex laughed. “Oh, come on, that's hilarious.”  
Maggie nodded. “It is.”  
Kara frowned. “Okay, it's kind of funny.”  
Winn chuckled. “Come on, it's hilarious. I mean, a pregnant Batman.”  
“That would scare Clark so much.” James laughed.

“Exactly, that's why it's funny to see.” Alex snickered.  
“I'm Batman and I want pickles and Ice Cream!” James smirked.

“That just sounds nasty even if it's a cliche.” Lena groaned.  
“I know.” Kara grinned.

**Author's Note:**

> What? It's Cards Against Humanity? Who said it was going to be friendly? :)  
> You have to be mean to win. And Kara knows how to be mean.


End file.
